Arranged marriage (also called
prearranged
marriage) is a
marriage arranged
by someone other than the couple getting wedded, curtailing or
avoiding the process of
courtship. Such
marriages had deep roots in royal and aristocratic families around
the world, including
Europe. Today, arranged
marriage is still practiced in
South
Asia, and the
Middle East to some
extent. Other groups that practice this custom include the
Unification Church. It should not be
confused with the phenomenon of
forced
marriage. Arranged marriages are usually seen in Indian and
African cultures, and are usually decided by the parents or an
older family member.
The match could be selected by parents, a
matchmaking agent,
matrimonial site, or a trusted third
party. In many communities, priests or religious leaders as well as
relatives or family friends play a major role in matchmaking.
Alternate uses of arranged marriage
The pattern of arranged marriage can be employed for other reasons
besides the formation of a promising new family unit. In such
marriages, typically economic or legal reasons take precedence over
the goal of selecting a well-matched couple. Though critics are not
always specific, criticism of arranged marriage usually targets
abuses such as
forced marriage and
child marriage.
- In a "forced marriage" the parents choose their son's or
daughter's future spouse with no input from their son or daughter.
This form of arranged marriage is rare in the modern Western world, but not quite as rare in some
other parts of the world. Occasionally, even if the son or daughter
disapproves of the choice, the marriage takes place regardless,
overriding their objections. In some societies, in order to ensure
cooperation, the parents may threaten the child with punishment, or in rare cases, disinheritance and death. Motivating factors
for such a marriage tend to be social or economic, i.e., the
interests of the family or community goals served by the marriage are seen as
paramount, and the preference of the individual is considered
insignificant.
- In a "child marriage" children, or even infants, are married.
The married children often live apart with their respective
families until well after puberty. Child marriages are typically
made for economic or political reasons. In rural India
and several
other countries, the requirement of providing a dowry for daughters is generally acknowledged to be a
contributing factor to female
infanticide. In East Africa a form of arranged marriage
known as absuma is set up between cousins at birth.
- In a "shotgun wedding" the groom
is forced to marry the bride due to unplanned pregnancy (or other
reasons). It is given this colloquial name from the traditional
method of force used: holding a shotgun to the groom's head until
he is married. This can also be classified as a forced marriage.
Although it is worth noting that the concept came about before the
invention of the shotgun. Laws of Old Testament Israel said that if an unmarried
couple engages in extramarital sex the female can force the man to
marry her or pay a fine. A reason is never given in the text, but
it is likely predicated on the text's specification that the woman
was a virgin; no longer being a virgin, it would be difficult for
her to find a marriage, and so her sexual partner must marry her to
provide for her well-being. Alternatively, it could be based on
family honor, i.e. it was shameful for her to have had relations
without being married, and it would be all the more shameful if she
had a child out of wedlock.
Variations
The main variation in procedure between arranged marriages is in
the nature and duration of the time from meeting to
engagement.
A marriage that happens as a result of a mediation by someone for
two strangers to meet with the intention to be married
In an "introduction only" arranged marriage, the parents may only
introduce their son or daughter to a potential spouse. The parents
may briefly talk to the parents of the prospective spouse. From
that point on, it is up to the children to manage the relationship
and make a choice. There is no set time period.
This is still common
in the rural parts of North America,
South America and especially in
India. The same pattern also appears in Japan
.
This type
of arranged marriage is very common in Iran
under the
name of khastegary. This open-ended process takes
considerably more courage on the part of the parents, as well as
the prospective spouses, in comparison to a fixed time-limit
arranged marriage. Women and men fear the stigma and emotional
trauma of going through a courtship and then being rejected.
A more moderate and flexible procedure known as a "modern arranged
marriage" is gaining in popularity. Parents choose several possible
candidates or employ a
marriage
website. The parents will then arrange a meeting with the
family of the prospective mate, confining their role to responsible
facilitators and well-wishers. Less pressure to agree to the match
is exerted by the parents in comparison to a traditional arranged
marriage.
In some cases, a prospective partner may be selected by the son or
daughter instead of by the parents or by a matchmaker. In such
cases, the parents will either disapprove of the match and forbid
the marriage or, just as likely, approve the match and agree to
proceed with the marriage. Such cases are distinct from a love
marriage because courtship is curtailed or absent and the parents
retain the prerogative to forbid the match.
A culture of arranged marriage
In cultures where dating is not prevalent, arranged marriages
perform a similar function—bringing together people who might
otherwise not have met. In such cultures, arranged marriage is
viewed as the norm and accepted by young adults. Even where
courtship practices are becoming fashionable, young adults tend to
view arranged marriage as an option they can fall back on if they
are unable or unwilling to spend the time and effort necessary to
find spouses on their own. In such cases, the parents become
welcome partners in a hunt for marital bliss. Further, in several
cultures, the last duty of a parent to his or her son or daughter
is to see that he or she passes through the marital rites.
In some cultures, arranged marriage is a tradition handed down
through many generations. Parents who take their son or daughter's
marriage into their own hands have themselves been married by the
same process. Many parents, and children likewise, feel pressure
from the community to conform, and in certain cultures a
love marriage or even
courtship is considered a failure on the part of
the parents to maintain control over their child. In such cultures,
children are brought up with these cultural assumptions and so do
not feel stifled.
Parents in some communities fear social and/or religious stigma if
their child is not married by a certain age. Several cultures deem
the son or daughter less likely to find a suitable partner if he or
she is past a certain age, and consider it folly to try to marry
them off at that stage.
In these societies, including China, the intragenerational
relationship of the family is much more valued than the marital
relationship. The whole purpose of the marriage is to have a
family.
Factors considered in matchmaking
Although matchmaking primarily on an economic or legal basis is
harshly criticized, such considerations are often factors of
secondary importance and significantly influence the rank order of
a potential spouse.
Some of these factors in some order of priority may be taken into
account for the purpose of matchmaking:
- Reputation of the family
- Vocation: For a groom, the profession
of doctor, accountant, lawyer, engineer, or scientist are
traditionally valued as excellent spouse material. More recently,
any profession commanding relatively high income is also given
preference. Vocation is less important for a bride but it is not
uncommon for two people of the same vocation to be matched. Some
preferred vocations for a bride include the profession of teacher,
doctor, or lawyer.
- Wealth: Families holding substantial
assets may prefer to marry to another wealthy family.
- Religion: The religious and spiritual
beliefs can play a large role in finding a suitable spouse.
- Pre-existing medical conditions: Two persons with a physical
deformity, disease
or disability who are otherwise perfectly
matched.
- Horoscope: Numerology and the
positions of stars at birth is often used in Indian culture to predict the success of a
particular match. This is sometimes expressed as a percentage, for
example, a 70% match. Horoscope becomes a determining factor is one
of the partners is Mângalik (lit., negatively influenced
by Mars).
- Psychological
compatibility (this factor became especially popular in the
post-Soviet Russia and Ukraine, see e.g. Socionics)
- Diet: Vegetarianism or omnivore (often automatically determined by the
caste among Hindus)
- Height: Typically the groom should be taller than the
bride.
- Age: Typically the groom should be older
than the bride.
- Other factors: City of residence, education level, etc.
- Language: Language also is deemed to be
an important criteria. The groom and the bride should have the same
First language.
Clan links
Among most Indian and Nepalese Hindus, the hereditary system of
caste (Hindi:
jâti) is an extremely
important factor in arranged marriage. Arranged marriages, and
parents, almost always require that the married persons should be
of the same caste. Sometimes inter-caste marriage is one of the
principal reasons of familial rejection or anger with the marriage.
The proof can be seen by the numerous Indian marriage websites on
the internet, most of which are by caste. Even within the caste,
there is obligation, followed strictly by many communities, to
marry (their son/daughter)
outside the
gotra (sub-caste or clan). It must however be noted
that modern India, being a secular democracy, does not prohibit
inter-caste or intra-gotra marriage (by the Hindu Marriage Act).
Arranged
marriages are less common in the Hindu
diaspora outside South Asia, although
they have undergone a revival in the United Kingdom
among Indian immigrants.
Many Indian families who consider the caste system an artificial
excuse for social inequity have the opposite preference. They
prefer to marry persons of differing caste and tend to avoid
matches within the same caste. It is believed that intercaste
marriages weaken the caste system and thus reduce social inequality
caused by the caste stratification. Such families are also often
open to marriages across national borders.
Similar
clan-based arranged marriages have been reported in Mexican
communities
and Amerindians, particularly among the
Triqui, including immigrants in the United States
[688970][688971][688972]Likewise, Fundamentalist Latter Day Saint
(FLDS) groups, not to be confused with the LDS Church (Mormons), in
the United
States also practice arranged marriages by FLDS religious
affiliation[688973]
Arranged
marriages are fairly common in the Muslim
world, particularly Pakistan
(the second
most populous Muslim country), where rituals like Pait Likkhi involve marriage based on clan
affiliations.[688974]
Arguments for and against Arranged Marriage
For
Proponents of arranged marriage believe that individuals can be too
easily influenced by the effects of love to make a logical
choice.
- Modernity
- Modern arranged marriages, in contrast to classical ones, are
not based on proscriptions but on pragmatic considerations. Often,
parents can contribute to the offspring's life by utilizing the
benefits of experience to choose the right mate for him/her. The
common misconception is that the concept of arranged marriages
imply traditional male-female duties. Modern western societies have
also started practising arranged marriages in a cosmopolitan
setting [688975][688976]
- Stability
- Arranged marriages are often said to be more stable than love
marriages, since matchmaking is done on several dimensions of
compatibility, instead of on a whim. Defenders often cite
the high divorce rates of love-marriages (50% of marriages in the
United
States end in divorce ) to establish the relative
stability of arranged marriages
- Other arguments
- Proponents of arranged marriage often feel that individuals can
be too easily influenced by the effects of love to make a logical
choice. In these societies, including China, the intragenerational
relationship of the family is much more valued than the marital
relationship. The whole purpose of the marriage is to have a
family. But even if they do not love each other at first, a greater
understanding between the two would develop, aided by their often
similar socioeconomic, religious,
political, and cultural backgrounds. Proponents may also feel that
marriages simply based on romance are doomed to failure due to the
partners having unreasonable expectations of each other and with
the relationship having little room for improvement.
- Furthermore, proponents believe that parents can be trusted to
make a match that is in the best interests of their children. They
hold that parents have much practical experience to draw from and
not be misguided by emotions and hormones. Opponents will note that
there are times when the choosers select a match that serves their
interests or the family's interests and not necessarily to the
couple’s pleasure and find this naturally, unacceptable. However,
the community and even the children may see this as an acceptable
risk with potential benefits.
- If potential partners in a marriage enjoy full freedom to veto
persons they do not want to marry, and merely rely on their parents
and elder relatives to act as trusted, level-headed introducers and
advisers who have their best interests at heart, then arranged
marriages become little more than a family dating service with some
pre-marriage counselling.
Against
Amongst the arguments against arranged marriage, the most prominent
are:
- Arranged marriage is as good or as bad as the people arranging
it. A forced mismatch, based on the values important to the
arranger may not be as important to the parties involved.
- Coercion to marry is commonly considered a violation of
fundamental human rights in most Western societies. In the United Kingdom, legislation was
passed in 2007 to effectively outlaw the
practice in England
, Wales
and Northern
Ireland
. This is primarily because of its usurpation
of a choice that, in most Western thought, belongs solely to the
individuals involved; people can "find themselves stuck in
marriages with persons decidedly not of their own choosing... whom
they may find personally repulsive."
- A further condemnation of the practice of arranging marriage
for economic reasons comes from Edlund and Lagerlöf (2004) who
argued that a love marriage is more effective for the promotion of
accumulation of wealth and societal growth.
Issues common to both arranged and love marriage
- Although cultures have built several safeguards against fraud
(such as the family's reputation being at stake), there are
instances where a key fact is left out during the process of the
marriage, only to be learned afterwards. An example might be if one
of the spouses has a medical condition that is not disclosed before
marriage. Although the marriage may not have occurred had that
condition been disclosed prior to marriage, it is very difficult to
leave afterwards and there may be no legal recourse.
See also
References
- Divorce soars in India's middle class,
Telegraph, October 1, 2005
- Why cousin marriage matters in Iraq,
csmonitor.com, December 26, 2006
- Hospital mass grave found as India cracks down on
female infanticide, Times Online, February 19, 2007
- LEARNING FROM CHILDREN, FAMILIES, AND COMMUNITIES
TO INCREASE GIRLS’ PARTICIPATION IN PRIMARY SCHOOL Save the
Children USA report
- Exodus 22:15-16, Deuteronomy 22:28-29. However Talmud Ketubot
39b and Kiddushin 46a rule that as the father can refuse to allow
the marriage, all the more so can she (cf. Rambam Mishneh Torah, Hilchot
Naarah Bethulah 22:15); the "shotgun" here is on the groom but not
the bride. It should be realized that this case is entirely
distinct from that of adultery, in which a man lies with a married
woman (the man's marital status is irrelevant, as polygamy was
permitted, but a woman was only allowed one husband; thus, her
marital status alone was decisive); Leviticus 20:10 and Deuteronomy
22:22 rule death for *both* partners (not only the woman) in a case
of relations between a man and a married woman; Deuteronomy
22:23-24 is the same case and ruling except the woman is betrothed
(which had the same legal status as full marriage except the woman
was not yet allowed relations with her husband); Deuteronomy
22:25-27 rules death for a man (but not the woman) who rapes a
betrothed woman.
- Reaves, Jo. NEWS: Marriage in China Not So Different than in
the West. Asian Pages. St. Paul: May 31, 1994.Vol.4, Iss. 18; pg. 4
http://www.highbeam.com/doc/1P1-2247430.html
- Blunkett 'attacking Asian culture' with criticism
of arranged marriages, The Independent, February 8, 2002
- Fox, Greer Litton. Love Match and Arranged Marriage in a
Modernizing Nation: Mate Selection in Ankara Turkey. Journal of
Marriage and the Family, Vol. 37, No. 1 1975-02 pp. 180-193
- What Arranged Marriage Can Teach Us
- Reaves, Jo. NEWS: Marriage in China Not So Different than in
the West. Asian Pages. St. Paul: May 31, 1994.Vol.4, Iss. 18; pg.
4
- Xu Xiaohe; Martin King Whyte. Love Matches and Arranged
Marriages: A Chinese Replication. Journal of Marriage and the
Family, Vol. 52, No. 3. (Aug., 1990), pp. 709-722.
- Lena Edlund and Nils-Petter Lagerlöf (Implications of Marriage Institutions for Redistribution
and Growth), Online Article, first version 2002, revised
version 2004:November 27
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