Judaism traditionally
considers
marriage to be
the ideal state of personal existence; a man without a wife, or a
woman without a husband, is considered incomplete.
Engagement (shiddukhin)
In
Jewish law,
engagement is defined as the mutual promise
between a man and a woman to have a marriage at some future time
and the terms on which it shall take place. The promise may be made
by the intending parties or one made by their respective parents or
other relatives on their behalf. (
Kiddushin 9b) The betrothal does not in itself
affect the personal status of the parties, nor does it give either
party the right to claim specific performance.
Traditionally, engagements for marriage are generally brought about
by a third person, often a professional match-maker
("
shadchan"). The process is called
Shidduchim ( ). The
shadchan receives
a "brokerage-fee" fixed by law or agreed upon by custom, as a rule
a small percentage of the dowry. It is paid by either of the
parties, or they both pay half each, at the betrothal or after the
wedding. The
rabbi, as a person enjoying
special confidence, is sometimes employed as an intermediary.
Although the marriage preliminaries are the concern of the parents,
their children are not forced into marriage over their objections,
nor may a marriage be blocked as a result of the objections of
one's parents. The
Shidduchim system is
therefore a system of arranged introductions rather than arranged
marriages although in some traditional circles it comes to a system
of arranged marriages.
Today, in some orthodox circles many young people find their
marriage partners without their parents' involvement, and even if
they do follow the
shidduch system, many
engaged couples do not enter into formal betrothals. However, the
parents of the couple are still usually involved in the marriage
arrangements.
Betrothal and marriage (erusin and
nissu'in)
In Jewish law,
marriage consists of two
separate acts, called
erusin (or
kiddushin, meaning
sanctification), which is the
betrothal ceremony, and
nissu'in, the actual ceremony for the marriage.
Erusin changes the couple's interpersonal status, while
nissu'in brings about the legal consequences of the change
of status. In
Talmudic times, these two
ceremonies usually took place about a year apart. The bride lived
with her parents until the actual marriage ceremony
(
nissuin), which would take place in a room or tent that
the groom had set up for her. Since the middle ages,
Jewish weddings the two ceremonies took place
as a combined ceremony, and the marriage ceremony started to be
performed publicly.
There are three ways for a Jewish couple to effect
erusin
(
Mishna, Tractate
Kiddushin 1:1):
- With money (kesef) or with an object of value, such as
a ring or a coin, for the purpose of contracted marriage, and in
the presence of two witnesses, and she actively accepts;
- Through a contract (shtar) in the presence of two
witnesses, containing the declaration of erusin (see
below); or
- By sexual intercourse with the intention of creating a bond of
marriage; a method strongly discouraged by the rabbinic sages and
intended only for levirate
marriages.
Though all methods are
halachically
valid, the favoured practice since ancient times has been for
erusin to take place only with
kesef (i.e. "with
money") - giving an object of value - which is almost always a
ring, but can be a coin.
Halachically, a Jewish marriage is a personal act between a man and
a woman. The actual marriage is the declaration of marriage
(consecration) by the man and acceptance by the woman. The function
of the
rabbi is to act as the advisor to the
couple, and the guests are the witnesses. The civil law of many
countries requires the rabbi also to act as an agent for the State
during the marriage ceremony, and for two independent witnesses to
sign the wedding certificate.
Child marriage
Child marriage in Judaism is
restricted to female children; the earliest point at which a male
is permitted to become betrothed (Hebrew:
erusin) is when they reach the
age of majority, 13. Although
boys were regarded, by
classical rabbinic literature,
as sexual beings once they had reached 9 years of age, girls were
regarded as sexual beings from the age of just 3. According to the
Talmud, it was permissible for an adult male to have sexual
intercourse with a 3 year old girl, if she was maritally single;
girls could be betrothed and married (Hebrew:
nissu'in) at this age.
By age, females were categorised into three groups:
- a ketannah (literally meaning little [one])
was any girl between the age of 3 years and that of 12 years plus
one day.
- a na'arah (roughly meaning damsel) was any
girl who was older than 12 years plus one day, by less than six
months. In Judaism, 12 years is the usual age of majority for
girls, although in certain circumstances the age of majority could
be as high as 35 years plus one day. However, girls remained a
na'arah until they had definitely passed the age of
majority
- a bogeret (literally meaning overripe [one])
was any girl who was older than 12 years plus one day, who was no
longer a na'arah. A bogeret was essentially an
adult in all respects
A
ketannah was completely subject to her father's
authority, and her father could arrange a marriage for her, whether
she agreed to it or not; similarly her father could accept a
divorce document (
get) on her behalf. If the
father was dead, or missing, the brothers of the
ketannah,
collectively, had the right to arrange a marriage for her, as had
her mother. In the Talmud, there is inconclusive debate about
whether the
na'arah should be treated like the
ketannah in relation to marriage, or whether she should
have the freedom to marry as she wished, like the
bogeret.
Annulment of child marriage
For a
ketannah, the first marriage imposed on her by her
father was completely compulsory for her; the standard adult
divorce process was necessary to terminate it. However, according
to the Talmud, if the marriage did end (due to divorce or the
husband's death), any further marriages were optional; the
ketannah had the right to annul them. In the Talmud's
view, for marriages imposed on a
ketannah by someone other
than her father (due to the father's absence), the
ketannah always had the right to annul them, even the
first.
The choice of a
ketannah to annul a marriage, known in
Hebrew as
mi'un (literally meaning
refusal/
denial/
protest), lead to a true
annulment, not a divorce; a divorce document (
get) was not necessary, and a
ketannah who did this was not regarded by legal
regulations as a divorcee, in relation to the marriage. Unlike
divorce,
mi'un was regarded with distaste by many rabbinic
writers, even in the Talmud; in earlier classical Judaism, one
major faction - the
House of
Shammai - argued that such annulment rights only existed during
the betrothal period (
erusin), and not once the actual
marriage (
nissu'in) had begun.
For a formal declaration of
mi'un, the usual procedure was
for the
ketannah to say
I do not wish to live with my
husband, in the presence of two witnesses; her annulment would
take effect immediately after this was said. In classical times, it
was customary to also write a
get mi'un, a document
recording the fact of the
mi'un. The
mi'un did
not however need to be explicitly declared for the annulment to
take effect. If a
ketannah merely demonstrated that she
disapproved of the marriage, this would constitute annulment; for
example, she could betroth (
erusin) herself to another
man, which for a
ketannah would automatically annul her
previous marriage (except where the previous marriage was the first
marriage imposed on her by her father). However, if the marriage
had begun when the girl was at least 6 years old, and she had
expressed her consent to it, she was expected to perform any
annulment via a formal declaration, unless she had been less than
10 years old when the marriage began, and had not appeared to fully
appreciate what was going on.
In practice
In mediaeval times,
cultural pressure
within Jewish communities lead to most girls being married while
they were still children - before they had become a
bogeret. Boys too, were under cultural pressure; several
Talmudic rabbis urged that boys should be
married as soon as they reach the age of majority. Indeed, anyone
unmarried after the age of twenty was said to have been cursed by
God;
rabbinical courts frequently tried to
compel an individual to marry, if they had passed the age of twenty
without marriage. Nevertheless, the classical rabbis viewed study
of the
Torah as a valid reason for remaining
unmarried, although they were only rarely willing to regard
life-long celibacy favourably.
Despite the young threshold for marriage, marriages with a large
age gap between the spouses (eg. between a young man and an old
woman) were thoroughly opposed by the classical rabbis. In the
middle ages, many rabbis tried to abolish child marriage
altogether; this, however, was due to their distaste for
mi'un, rather than due to any concern about
paedophilia. Effectively, child marriage became
nearly obsolete in Judaism ; in modern times, it is an extremely
rare event, as most areas with large Jewish communities have
national laws against it.
Controversy over intermarriage
According to the
National Jewish
Population Survey 2000-01, 47% of marriages involving Jews in
the United States between 1996 and 2001 were with non-Jewish
partners. Rates of intermarriage have increased in other countries
in the
diaspora as well. Jewish
leaders in different branches generally agree that possible
assimilation is a crisis, but they differ on the proper response to
intermarriage.
- All branches of Orthodox
Judaism refuse to accept any validity or legitimacy of
intermarriages.
- Conservative Judaism does
not sanction intermarriage, but encourages acceptance of the
non-Jewish spouse within the family, hoping that such acceptance
will lead to conversion.
- Reform Judaism and Reconstructionist Judaism permit
total personal autonomy in interpretation of Jewish Law, and intermarriage is not forbidden.
Reform and Reconstructionist rabbis are free to take their own
approach to performing marriages between a Jewish and non-Jewish
partner. Many but not all seek agreement from the couple that the
children will be raised as Jewish.
There are also differences between streams on what constitutes an
intermarriage, arising from their
differing
criteria for being Jewish in the first place. Orthodox and
Conservative streams do not accept as Jewish a person whose mother
is not Jewish, nor a convert whose conversion was conducted under
the authority of a more liberal stream.
Marriage in Israel
Civil marriage does not exist in Israel
, and the
only institutionalized form of Jewish marriage is the religious
one, i.e. a marriage conducted under the auspices of the
rabbinate. Specifically, marriage of Israeli Jews must be
conducted according to
halakha, as
viewed by Orthodox Judaism. This implies that people who cannot get
married according to Jewish law (e.g. a
kohen
and a
divorcée, or a Jew and one who is not
halachically Jewish) cannot have their
union legally sanctioned. This has led for calls, mostly from the
secular segment of the Israeli public, for the institution of civil
marriage. There are many people affected by this law. In the Land
of Israel today, there are approximately "300,000 Israelis who
cannot marry because one of the partners is not Jewish, or his or
her Jewishness cannot be determined."
Some secular Israelis travel abroad to have civil marriages, either
because they do not believe in the Orthodox view of Judaism or
because their union cannot be sanctioned by
halakha. These
marriages are legally binding in Israel, though not recognized by
the rabbinate as Jewish.
While people of different religions may be citizens of the State of
Israel, all legal marriages performed in Israel must be sanctioned
by religious authorities of one faith or another. Couples of mixed
religion, for example a Christian and a Jew, or a Muslim and a Jew,
cannot legally marry in Israel.
Divorce
Halakha (Jewish law) allows for divorce. The document of divorce is
termed a
get.The
final divorce ceremony involves the husband giving the get document
into the hand of the wife or her agent, but the wife may sue in
rabbinical court to initiate the divorce. In such a case, a husband
may be compelled to give the get, if he has violated any of his
numerous obligations; this was traditionally accomplished by
beating and or monetary coercion. The rationale was that since he
was required to divorce his wife due to his (or her) violations of
the contract, his good inclination really desires to divorce her,
and we are only helping him to do what he wants to do anyway. In
this case, the wife may or may not be entitled to a ketuba
payment.
Judaism recognized the right of an abused wife (whether physically
or psychologically) to a divorce already by around the 12th
century.
Conservative Judaism follows
halacha, though differently then
Orthodox Judaism. Reform Jews usually use
an egalitarian form of the Ketubah at their weddings. They
generally do not issue Jewish divorces, seeing a civil divorce as
both necessary and sufficient; however, some Reform rabbis
encourage the couple to go through a Jewish divorce procedure.
Conservative and Orthodox Judaism do not recognize civil law as
overriding religious law, and thus do not view a civil divorce as
sufficient. Thus, a man or woman may be considered divorced by the
Reform Jewish community, but still married by the Conservative
community. Orthodox Judaism does not recognize Reform weddings
because, if they did, the children of a Reform woman who remarried
would be considered mamzerim, the children of an adulterous
relationship, a personal status that does not allow a person to
marry a non-mamzer. This allows Reform Jews to become, and marry,
Orthodox Jews should they choose to become a Ba'al Teshuva.
The chained woman
Traditionally, when a husband fled or his whereabouts were unknown
for any reason, the woman was considered an
agunah (literally “an anchored woman”) and was
not allowed to remarry because in traditional Judaism, divorce is
initiated by the husband. Prior to modern communication, death of
the husband while in a distant land was a common cause of this
situation. In modern times, when a husband refuses to issue a
get due to money, property or
custody battles, the woman cannot remarry is considered an agunah.
A man in this situation is termed a
Misarev Get (literally
"a refuser of a divorce document").
Within both the Conservative and Orthodox communities there are
efforts to prevent the possibility that a woman might not be able
to obtain a Jewish divorce from her husband and to deal with such
problems post-facto by using various Jewish and secular legal
methods. None of the legal solutions address the agunah problem in
the case of a missing husband.
See also
Judaism's view
Non-Jewish views
- *Buddhist view of
marriage
- *Christian views of
marriage
- *Confucian view of
marriage
- *Islamic marital
jurisprudence
- *Hindu
teaching and customs of marriage
References
Wikis
Map
Search
