Love is any of a number of
emotions related to a sense of strong
affection and
attachment. The word
love can refer to a variety of different
feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic
pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense
interpersonal attraction ("I love
my husband"). This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with
the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually
difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional
states.
As an abstract concept,
love usually refers to a deep,
ineffable feeling of tenderly caring
for another person. Even this limited conception of love, however,
encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate
desire and intimacy of
romantic love
to the nonsexual emotional closeness of
familial and
platonic
love to the profound
oneness or devotion
of
religious love. Love in
its various forms acts as a major facilitator of
interpersonal relationships and,
owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most
common themes in the
creative
arts.
Definitions
The
English word "love" can have a
variety of related but distinct meanings in different contexts.
Often, other languages use multiple words to express some of the
different concepts that English relies mainly on "love" to
encapsulate; one example is the plurality of
Greek words for "love." Cultural differences in conceptualizing
love thus make it doubly difficult to establish any universal
definition.
Although the nature or
essence of love is a
subject of frequent debate, different aspects of the word can be
clarified by determining what
isn't love. As a general
expression of positive sentiment (a stronger form of
like), love is commonly contrasted with
hate (or neutral
apathy); as a
less sexual and more emotionally intimate form of romantic
attachment, love is commonly contrasted with
lust; and as an interpersonal relationship with
romantic overtones, love is commonly contrasted with
friendship, although other definitions of the
word
love may be applied to close friendships in certain
contexts.
When discussed in the abstract,
love usually refers to
interpersonal love, an experience felt by a person for another
person. Love often involves caring for or identifying with a person
or thing, including oneself (cf.
narcissism).
In addition to cross-cultural differences in understanding love,
ideas about love have also changed greatly over time. Some
historians date modern conceptions of romantic love to courtly
Europe during or after
the Middle Ages,
although the prior existence of romantic attachments is attested by
ancient love poetry.
Two hands forming the outline of a
heart shape.
Because of the complex and abstract nature of love, discourse on
love is commonly reduced to a
thought-terminating cliché,
and there are a number of common
proverbs
regarding love, from
Virgil's "
Love conquers all" to the
Beatles' "
All
you need is love."
Bertrand
Russell describes love as a condition of "absolute value," as
opposed to
relative value.
Philosopher
Gottfried Leibniz said
that love is "to be delighted by the happiness of another."
Impersonal love
A person can be said to love a country, principle, or goal if they
value it greatly and are deeply committed to it. Similarly,
compassionate outreach and volunteer workers' "love" of their cause
may sometimes be borne not of interpersonal love, but impersonal
love coupled with
altruism and strong
political convictions. People can also "love" material objects,
animals, or activities if they invest themselves in bonding or
otherwise identifying with those things. If sexual passion is also
involved, this condition is called
paraphilia.
Interpersonal love
Interpersonal love refers to love between human beings. It is a
more potent sentiment than a simple
liking for another.
Unrequited love refers to those
feelings of love that are not reciprocated. Interpersonal love is
most closely associated with
interpersonal relationships.
Such love might exist between family members, friends, and couples.
There are also a number of psychological disorders related to love,
such as
erotomania.
Throughout history,
philosophy and
religion have done the most speculation on
the phenomenon of love. In the last century, the science of
psychology has written a great deal on
the subject. In recent years, the sciences of
evolutionary psychology,
evolutionary biology,
anthropology,
neuroscience, and
biology have added to the understanding of the
nature and function of love.
Chemical basis
Simplified overview of the chemical
basis of love.
Biological models of sex tend to view love as a
mammalian drive, much like
hunger or
thirst.
Helen Fisher, a leading expert
in the topic of love, divides the experience of love into three
partly overlapping stages: lust, attraction, and attachment. Lust
exposes people to others; romantic attraction encourages people to
focus their energy on mating; and attachment involves tolerating
the spouse (or indeed the child) long enough to rear a child into
infancy.
Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire
that promotes
mating, and involves the
increased release of chemicals such as
testosterone and
estrogen. These effects rarely last more than a few
weeks or months.
Attraction
is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific
candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to
an individual mate forms. Recent studies in
neuroscience have indicated that as people fall
in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of
chemicals, including
pheromones,
dopamine,
norepinephrine, and
serotonin, which act in a manner similar to
amphetamines, stimulating the brain's
pleasure center and leading to side
effects such as increased
heart rate,
loss of appetite and sleep, and
an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this
stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.
Since the lust and attraction stages are both considered temporary,
a third stage is needed to account for long-term relationships.
Attachment is the
bonding that promotes relationships lasting
for many years and even decades. Attachment is generally based on
commitments such as
marriage and
children, or on mutual friendship based on things
like shared interests. It has been linked to higher levels of the
chemicals
oxytocin and
vasopressin to a greater degree than short-term
relationships have.
Enzo Emanuele and coworkers reported
the protein molecule known as the
nerve growth factor (NGF) has high
levels when people first fall in love, but these return to previous
levels after one year.
Psychological basis
Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon.
Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a
triangular theory of love and
argued that love has three different components: intimacy,
commitment, and passion. Intimacy is a form in which two people
share confidences and various details of their personal lives, and
is usually shown in friendships and romantic love affairs.
Commitment, on the other hand, is the expectation that the
relationship is permanent. The last and most common form of love is
sexual attraction and passion. Passionate love is shown in
infatuation as well as romantic love. All forms of love are viewed
as varying combinations of these three components. American
psychologist Zick Rubin seeks to define
love by
psychometrics. His work states that three
factors constitute love: attachment, caring, and intimacy.
Following developments in electrical theories such as
Coulomb's law, which showed that positive and
negative charges attract, analogs in human life were developed,
such as "opposites attract." Over the last century, research on the
nature of human mating has generally found this not to be true when
it comes to character and personality—people tend to like people
similar to themselves. However, in a few unusual and specific
domains, such as
immune systems, it
seems that humans prefer others who are unlike themselves (e.g.,
with an orthogonal immune system), since this will lead to a baby
that has the best of both worlds. In recent years, various
human bonding theories have been developed,
described in terms of attachments, ties, bonds, and
affinities.
Some Western authorities disaggregate into two main components, the
altruistic and the narcissistic. This view is represented in the
works of
Scott Peck, whose work in the
field of
applied psychology
explored the definitions of love and evil. Peck maintains that love
is a combination of the "concern for the spiritual growth of
another," and simple narcissism. In combination, love is an
activity, not simply a feeling.
Comparison of scientific models
Biological models of love tend to see it as a mammalian drive,
similar to
hunger or
thirst. Psychology sees love as more of a social and
cultural phenomenon. There are probably elements of truth in both
views. Certainly love is influenced by
hormones (such as
oxytocin),
neurotrophins (such as
NGF), and
pheromones, and how people think and behave in
love is influenced by their conceptions of love. The conventional
view in
biology is that there are two major
drives in love:
sexual attraction
and
attachment. Attachment between
adults is presumed to work on the same principles that lead an
infant to become attached to its mother. The traditional
psychological view sees love as being a combination of
companionate love and passionate love.
Passionate love is intense longing, and is often accompanied by
physiological arousal
(shortness of breath, rapid heart rate);
companionate love is affection and a
feeling of intimacy not accompanied by physiological arousal.
Studies have shown that brain scans of those infatuated by love
display a resemblance to those with a mental illness. Love creates
activity in the same area of the brain where hunger, thirst, and
drug cravings create activity. New love, therefore, could possibly
be more physical than emotional. Over time, this reaction to love
mellows, and different areas of the brain are activated, primarily
ones involving long-term commitments.
Cultural views
Persian
- :::Even after all this time
- :::The sun never says to the earth, "You owe me."
- :::Look what happens with a Love like that!
- ::: —It lights the whole Sky. (Hafiz)
Rumi,
Hafez and
Sa'di are icons of the passion and love that
the
Persian culture and language
present. The Persian word for love is
eshgh, deriving from
the Arabic
ishq. In the Persian culture, everything is
encompassed by love and all is for love, starting from loving
friends and family, husbands and wives, and eventually reaching the
divine love that is the ultimate goal in life. Over seven centuries
ago, Sa'di wrote:
- :::The children of Adam are limbs of one body
- :::Having been created of one essence.
- :::When the calamity of time afflicts one limb
- :::The other limbs cannot remain at rest.
- :::If you have no sympathy for the troubles of
others
- :::You are not worthy to be called by the name of
"man."
Chinese and other Sinic cultures
Confucianism traditioanlly stresses
duty, attitude and action in a relationship (e.g. kindness from
parents,
filial piety from children,
loyalty to the king, and so on), rather than love itself. In that
regard, the concept of "love" is a fairly recent import from the
West. However,
Ren (仁)
can be regarded as virtuous benevolent love, which is the vital
part of a moral life, and should be pursued by all.
Mozi developed the concept of
Ai (愛) in
reaction to Confucian
Ren, which is much more similar to
the Western concept of universal love. Rather than adopting
different attitudes to different people,
Mohism stresses love towards everyone, not just
friends or family, without regard to reciprocation.
In contemporary
Chinese language and
culture, several terms are used for the
concept of love:
- Ai (愛) is both a verb (e.g. Wo Ai Ni 我愛你, or
"I love you") and a noun (such as Ai Qing 愛情, or "romantic
love"). This is the most often used word for love, and can have a
variety of meanings in different contexts, just as it is in
English. Since 1949, mainland China has been using the
word Ai Ren (愛人, originally
"lover") as the dominant term for "spouse" (while separate terms
for "wife" and "husband" retained, they were de-emphasized to
promote gender equality); Ai Renonce had a negative
connotation in China, which is still true among many in Taiwan
.
- Lian (戀) describes the state of personal attachement
and dependence as a result of love, and as such is rarely used
alone. It is often used specifically to describe romantic or sexual
love, such as "being in love" (戀愛, Lian Ai), "lover" (戀人,
Lian Ren) or "homosexuality"
(同性戀, Tong Xing Lian).
- Qing (情), or "feeling", "emotion", often indicates
"love" in the correct context. When used with Ai (愛) it is
specifically used to describe romantic love, as in Ai Qing
愛情. Qing Ren (情人) is another term for "lover", implying
that sexual relationship has taken place.
Gănqíng (感情) encompasses both the immediate feeling and
the emotional attachment that has developed in a close personal
relationship. The building of this
gănqíng, or bond, is
therefore important in establishing and maintaining love.
Yuanfen (緣份) is a connection of
bound destinies. The beginning of a meaningful relationship
(whether romance or friendship) is often thought to be dependent on
yuanfen. A similar conceptualization in English is "fate"
or "destiny".
Japanese
In
Japanese Buddhism,
ai
(愛) is passionate caring love, and a fundamental desire. It can
develop towards either selfishness or selflessness and
enlightenment.
Amae (甘え), a Japanese
word meaning "indulgent dependence," is part of the child-rearing
culture of Japan. Japanese mothers
are expected to hug and indulge their children, and children are
expected to reward their mothers by clinging and serving. Some
sociologists have suggested that
Japanese social interactions in later life are modeled on the
mother-child amae.
Ancient Greek
Greek distinguishes
several different senses in which the
word "love" is used. For example, Ancient Greek has the words
philia,
eros,
agape,
storge,
and
xenia. However, with Greek (as with many other
languages), it has been historically difficult to separate the
meanings of these words totally. At the same time, the Ancient
Greek text of the
Bible has examples of the
verb agapo having the same meaning as
phileo.
Agape (
agápē) means
love in modern-day Greek. The term
s'agapo means
I love you in Greek. The word
agapo is the verb
I love. It generally refers to a "pure,"
ideal type of love, rather than the physical
attraction suggested by
eros. However, there are some
examples of
agape used to mean the same as
eros.
It has also been translated as "love of the soul."
Eros (
érōs) is
passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Greek word
erota means
in love.
Plato
refined his own definition. Although eros is initially felt for a
person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty
within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself.
Eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty and contributes to
an understanding of spiritual truth. Lovers and philosophers are
all inspired to seek truth by eros. Some translations list it as
"love of the body."
Philia (
philía), a
dispassionate virtuous love, was a concept developed by
Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family,
and community, and requires virtue, equality, and familiarity.
Philia is motivated by practical reasons; one or both of the
parties benefit from the relationship. It can also mean "love of
the mind."
Storge (
storgē) is natural
affection, like that felt by parents for offspring.
Xenia (ξενία
xenía),
hospitality, was an extremely important practice in
Ancient Greece. It was an almost ritualized
friendship formed between a host and his guest, who could
previously have been strangers. The host fed and provided quarters
for the guest, who was expected to repay only with gratitude. The
importance of this can be seen throughout
Greek mythology—in particular,
Homer's Iliad and
Odyssey.
Turkish (Shaman & Islamic)
In
Turkish, the word "love" comes
up with several meanings. A person can love a god, a person,
parents, or family. But that person can "love" just one person from
the opposite sex, which they call the word "aşk."
Aşk is a feeling for
to love, or being
"in love" (Aşkim), as it still is in Turkish today. The Turks used
this word just for their loves in a romantic or sexual sense. If a
Turk says that he is in love (aşk) with somebody, it is not a love
that a person can feel for his or her parents; it is just for one
person, and it indicates a huge infatuation. The word is also
common for
Turkic languages, such
as
Azerbaijani (eşq) and
Kazakh (ғашық).
Ancient Roman (Latin)
The
Latin language has several different verbs
corresponding to the English word "love."
Amāre is the
basic word for
to love, as it still is in Italian today.
The Romans used it both in an affectionate sense as well as in a
romantic or sexual sense. From this verb come
amans—a
lover, amator, "professional lover," often with the accessory
notion of lechery—and
amica, "girlfriend" in the English
sense, often as well being applied euphemistically to a prostitute.
The
corresponding noun is amor (the significance of this term
for the Romans is well illustrated in the fact, that the name of
the City, Rome
—in Latin:
Roma—can be viewed as an anagram
for amor, which was used as the secret name of the City in
wide circles in ancient times), which is also used in the plural
form to indicate love affairs or sexual adventures. This
same root also produces
amicus—"friend"—and
amicitia, "friendship" (often based to mutual advantage,
and corresponding sometimes more closely to "indebtedness" or
"influence"). Cicero wrote a treatise called
On Friendship
(
de Amicitia), which discusses the notion at some length.
Ovid wrote a guide to dating called
Ars
Amatoria (
The Art of Love), which addresses, in
depth, everything from
extramarital affairs
to overprotective parents.
Complicating the picture somewhat, Latin sometimes uses
amāre where English would simply say
to like.
This notion, however, is much more generally expressed in Latin by
placere or
delectāre, which are used more
colloquially, the latter used frequently in the love poetry of
Catullus.
Diligere often has the
notion "to be affectionate for," "to esteem," and rarely if ever is
used for romantic love. This word would be appropriate to describe
the friendship of two men. The corresponding noun
diligentia, however, has the meaning of "diligence" or
"carefulness," and has little semantic overlap with the verb.
Observare is a synonym for
diligere; despite the
cognate with English, this verb and its corresponding noun,
observantia, often denote "esteem" or "affection."
Caritas is used in Latin
translations of the Christian Bible to mean "charitable love"; this
meaning, however, is not found in Classical pagan
Roman literature. As it arises from a
conflation with a Greek word, there is no corresponding verb.
Religious views
Abrahamic religions
Judaism
In
Hebrew,
Ahava is the most commonly used term for both
interpersonal love and love of God.
Judaism
employs a wide definition of love, both among people and between
man and the Deity. Regarding the former, the
Torah states, "Love your neighbor like yourself"
(
Leviticus 19:18). As for the latter, one
is commanded to love God "with all your heart, with all your soul
and with all your might" (
Deuteronomy
6:5), taken by the
Mishnah (a central text
of the Jewish
oral law) to refer to good
deeds, willingness to sacrifice one's life rather than commit
certain serious transgressions, willingness to sacrifice all of
one's possessions, and being grateful to the Lord despite adversity
(tractate Berachoth 9:5).
Rabbinic
literature differs as to how this love can be developed, e.g.,
by contemplating divine deeds or witnessing the marvels of nature.
As for love between marital partners, this is deemed an essential
ingredient to life: "See life with the wife you love" (
Ecclesiastes 9:9). The biblical book
Song of Solomon is considered a romantically
phrased metaphor of love between God and his people, but in its
plain reading, reads like a love song.
The 20th-century
Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler is
frequently quoted as defining love from the Jewish point of view as
"giving without expecting to take" (from his
Michtav
me-Eliyahu, Vol. 1).
Christianity
The Christian understanding is that love comes from God. The love
of man and woman—
eros in Greek—and the unselfish love of
others (
agape), are often contrasted as "ascending" and
"descending" love, respectively, but are ultimately the same
thing.
There are several Greek words for "love" that are regularly
referred to in Christian circles.
- Agape: In the New Testament, agapē is charitable, selfless, altruistic, and
unconditional. It is parental love, seen as creating goodness in
the world; it is the way God is seen to love
humanity, and it is seen as the kind of love that Christians aspire
to have for one another.
- Phileo: Also used in the New
Testament, phileo is a human response to something that is
found to be delightful. Also known as "brotherly love."
- Two other words for love in the
Greek language, eros
(sexual love) and storge
(child-to-parent love), were never used in the New Testament.
Christians believe that to
Love God
with all your heart, mind, and strength and
Love your
neighbor as yourself are the two most
important things in life (the
greatest
commandment of the Jewish
Torah, according
to
Jesus; cf.
Gospel
of Mark chapter 12, verses 28–34).
Saint Augustine summarized this when he
wrote "
Love God, and do as thou wilt."
The Apostle Paul glorified love as
the most important virtue of all. Describing love in the famous
poem in
1
Corinthians, he wrote,
"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily
angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not
delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always
protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres."
(
1 Cor. 13:4–7,
NIV)
The Apostle John wrote,
"For
God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that
whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal
life. For God did not send his Son into the world to
condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not
believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the
name of God's one and only Son." (
John 3:16–18,
NIV)
John also wrote,
"Dear friends, let us love one another for
love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of
God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know
God, because God is love." (
1 John
4:7–8,
NIV)
Saint Augustine says that one
must be able to decipher the difference between love and lust.
Lust, according to Saint Augustine, is an overindulgence, but to
love and be loved is what he has sought for his entire life. He
even says,
“I was in love with love.” Finally, he does
fall in love and is loved back, by God. Saint Augustine says the
only one who can love you truly and fully is God, because love with
a human only allows for flaws such as
“jealousy, suspicion,
fear, anger, and contention.” According to Saint Augustine, to
love God is
“to attain the peace which is yours.” (Saint
Augustine's Confessions)
Christian
theologians see God as the source
of love, which is mirrored in humans and their own loving
relationships. Influential Christian theologian
C.S. Lewis wrote a book
called
The Four Loves.
Benedict XVI wrote his first
encyclical on "
God is
love." He said that a human being, created in the image of God,
who is love, is able to practice love; to give himself to God and
others (
agape) and by receiving and
experiencing God's love in contemplation (eros). This life of love,
according to him, is the life of the saints such as
Teresa of Calcutta and the
Blessed Virgin Mary and is the direction
Christians take when they believe that God loves them.
Islam and Arab
In a sense, love does encompass the Islamic view of life as
universal brotherhood that applies to all who hold the faith. There
are no direct references stating that God is love, but amongst the
99 names of God (
Allah), there is the name
Al-Wadud, or "the Loving One," which is found in Surah
11:90 as well as Surah 85:14. It refers to God as being "full of
loving kindness." All who hold the faith have God's love, but to
what degree or effort he has pleased God depends on the individual
itself.
Ishq, or divine love, is the emphasis
of
Sufism. Sufis believe that love is a
projection of the essence of God to the universe. God desires to
recognize beauty, and as if one looks at a mirror to see oneself,
God "looks" at itself within the dynamics of nature. Since
everything is a reflection of God, the school of Sufism practices
to see the beauty inside the apparently ugly. Sufism is often
referred to as the religion of love. God in Sufism is referred to
in three main terms, which are the Lover, Loved, and Beloved, with
the last of these terms being often seen in Sufi poetry. A common
viewpoint of Sufism is that through love, humankind can get back to
its inherent purity and grace. The saints of Sufism are infamous
for being "drunk" due to their love of God; hence, the constant
reference to wine in Sufi poetry and music.
Eastern religions
Buddhism
In
Buddhism,
Kāma is sensuous, sexual love. It is an
obstacle on the path to
enlightenment, since it is selfish.
Karuṇā is
compassion and mercy, which reduces the suffering of others. It is
complementary to wisdom and is necessary for enlightenment.
Adveṣa and
mettā are
benevolent love. This love is unconditional and requires
considerable self-acceptance. This is quite different from ordinary
love, which is usually about attachment and sex and which rarely
occurs without self-interest. Instead, in Buddhism it refers to
detachment and unselfish interest in others' welfare.
The
Bodhisattva ideal in Mahayana
Buddhism involves the complete renunciation of oneself in order to
take on the burden of a suffering world. The strongest motivation
one has in order to take the path of the Bodhisattva is the idea of
salvation within unselfish, altruistic love for all sentient
beings.
Hinduism
In Hinduism,
kāma is
pleasurable, sexual love, personified by the god
Kamadeva. For many Hindu schools, it is the third
end (
artha) in life.
Kamadeva is often pictured holding a
bow of
sugar cane and
an
arrow of
flowers; he
may ride upon a great parrot. He is usually accompanied by his
consort
Rati and his companion
Vasanta, lord of the spring season.
Stone images of Kaama
and Rati can be seen on the door of the Chenna Keshava temple at
Belur
, in Karnataka
, India
.
Maara is another name for
kāma.
In contrast to
kāma,
prema
or
prem refers to elevated love.
Karuna is compassion and mercy, which impels one
to help reduce the suffering of others.
Bhakti is a
Sanskrit term, meaning "loving devotion to
the supreme God." A person who practices
bhakti is called
a
bhakta.
Hindu writers, theologians,
and philosophers have distinguished nine forms of
bhakti, which can be found in the
Bhagavata Purana and works by
Tulsidas. The philosophical work
Narada Bhakti Sutras, written by an
unknown author (presumed to be
Narada),
distinguishes eleven forms of love.
See also
References
- Oxford Illustrated American Dictionary (1998) +
Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary (2000)
- (J. Mascaró, translator)
- Thomas Köves-Zulauf, Reden und Schweigen, Munich, 1972.
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