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"Something Wall-Mart This Way Comes" is episode 809 of Comedy Central's South Park. This episode originally aired on November 3, 2004. Its title and theme were inspired by the 1983 Disney movie Something Wicked This Way Comes based on the 1962 novel by Ray Bradbury.


The episode begins with Cartman betting Kyle five dollars that when people die they "crap their pants". Kyle says it's a stupid idea. In the meantime, a Wall-Mart opens in South Park (where Starks Pond used to be) with much fanfare and everyone in town starts shopping there. Cartman is especially delighted that one can buy three copies of Timecop for $18 though Kyle wonders why you would need three copies of the same movie. The popularity of Wall-Martmarker forces the local businesses to shut down, including Jim's Drugs. Soon, the now-unemployed residents start to work at Wall-Mart for minimum wage and an extra 10% employee discount on store purchases, including Stan's father Randy.

South Park turns into a ghost town and the townspeople decide they no longer want the Wall-Mart in South Park. They fail to resist, as they start to miss the bargains, so they ask the Wall-mart President to leave. Terrified, he asks them to meet him outside in 5 minutes. As the people stop outside his office, the manager is thrown through the office window in an apparent suicide by hanging and then "craps his pants". Cartman gleefully tells Kyle he owes him five bucks.

The townspeople burn the building down, only to see it rebuilt. A man rebuilding the Wall-Mart tells the boys that the rebuilding order came from Wall-Martmarker's headquarters in Bentonville, Arkansas. The three of them then travel to Bentonville to stop the Wall-Mart.

The boys head off, but are joined by Cartman, who the Wall-Mart "told" to stop them. Though none of the boys trust him (Kyle knows for a fact that Cartman's secretly against them), they are in a hurry to leave. They then reach Bentonville, despite Cartman's sabotage (slashing the tires of a bus they're on), and talk to Harvey Brown, the current president of Wall-Mart. The boys ask him how they can stop it, and he tells them they need to find and destroy its "heart". As the boys leave, Brown commits suicide and "craps his pants". Cartman again laughs that Kyle owes him ten bucks now.

The Boys try to enter South Park Wall-Mart but Cartman confronts them. He denies that they knew he was against them, but Kyle angrily begins yelling at him that he knew Cartman was against them, while Cartman continues to talk about why he was against them. Kenny is then assigned to hold Cartman off while Stan and Kyle enter the Wall-Mart. In the television department, the boys are confronted by a man who says he is Wall-Mart. He says that he can take "many forms" although he only puts on different hats. After a confusing dialog, he finally tells the boys that the heart "lies beyond that plasma screen television". The boys walk over to find it is a mirror, that the boys then smash to "destroy the heart." The actual building of Wall-Mart then begins to fall apart, while the man says they will see him in his "true form". He then proceeds to rip off his mustache and stomp around like a monster. The boys and everyone else inside the Wal-Mart evacuate and gather with other townsfolk in the parking lot, and see the Wall-Mart fold in on itself in a blinding flash of light, and "crap its pants" upon which Cartman laughs once again and leaves the scene.

Everyone cheers because Stan tells everyone that all of these places have a self-destruct sequence if they break a mirror in the back. Chef tells a soldier to spread the word to all the towns on how to destroy these places. Then, Randy announces that the Wall-Mart's "heart" was them, the whole time. He then gives a speech about how if they want to keep the small town charm, they need to spend a little more, though the boys consider this obvious. The townspeople shop at Jim's Drugs, which grows bigger and bigger in a Wall-Mart fashion before being burned down. The townspeople vow not to shop there again and go to True Value to start again.

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